Thought: My dream today

The beginning of my dream is kind of hazy to me now but I remember being at home. And by home, it was some skewed version of my home. I don’t remember what happened but my brother, K., made me really mad. I got really upset. He knew that I didn’t like what he did but he did it anyways. He was also with a girl, who I think is his girlfriend, which is strange because he doesn’t have a girlfriend right now in real life. Anyways, I was really upset and I was crying a lot. I specifically remember telling him that it wasn’t okay and that he knows I don’t like it. My mom some how came into the equation and began to question what was happening. I remember somewhere along the way Kong asked me what I wanted and I said “I want to go home” and by home I meant to the apartment that I’m mooching off of at the moment.

     And because of this small part of my dream I thought to myself, “Do I really enjoy the people I’m here with that much?” Because I guess subconsciously, I do. I feel at home with them. It’s like a nice little family. But it makes me sad to think that in my dream, I cried and said that I wanted to go home when I was already home. Like do I feel that distant from my family that I don’t feel at home with them? I love them though. I do. They are the best ever and they give me so much to start my life with I could never ever repay them for what they have done for me.

Then the place had changed and I was going to my aunt’s house, at least, another skewed version of it. The aunt who I am not a fan of. But anyways, their house was as messy as ever and for some reason I was with a girl named V. who is close with my cousin who we shall name Aglna. And we were talking about something. I think it was about how gross we thought the place was. We stayed there for a while but then we made our way out and we were taking our time. And then Anga, Aglna’s younger sister, came up to me in kind of a rude and demanding manner asking me to hurry up and take her to go visit our grandma. I was a little taken aback by her rudeness. But I told her that I will not be rushing and that she should hitch a ride with my grandpa because he was leaving immediately. And the last thing I saw in my dream was my grandpa getting comfortable in his vehicle which was a nice silver open top Jeep.

     I really wish I would have slept longer. I think I would have gotten to meet my grandma in my dream. Its only been four months, but I still have had no dreams of her. I miss her kind of a lot sometimes. But I think my Auntie B and my mom misses her more. I don’t really know how I feel sometimes. It kinda sucks just being  in a cycle of lostness. I think I’m okay though. I really do. But I don’t. I just don’t know anymore.


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